Why School Discipline Does Not Work in Activity Settings

If you have ever tried to manage a group of seven-year-olds with the same approach their teacher uses, you will know the result: blank stares, defiance, or tears. Activity classes are fundamentally different from school, and your behaviour management needs to reflect that.

In school, attendance is compulsory. In your classes, children have chosen to be there, or their parents have chosen for them. That changes the power dynamic entirely. You cannot give detentions. You cannot send a child to the head teacher. You are competing with every other after-school activity, screen, and sofa for that child's time and enthusiasm.

The second difference is environment. School classrooms are controlled, quiet spaces with established routines built over weeks and months. Your hall, pool, pitch, or studio has children arriving excited, often after a full day of sitting still. They are ready to move, shout, and test boundaries.

The third and most important difference: your primary tool is engagement, not authority. A child who is bored will misbehave. A child who is challenged at the right level, praised specifically, and given responsibility will not need managing at all.

Age-Appropriate Expectations

Half of all behaviour problems come from expecting children to do things they are developmentally incapable of doing. A four-year-old who cannot stand still during a three-minute explanation is not misbehaving. They are being four.

3 to 5 Year Olds

At this age, children have attention spans of roughly their age in minutes. A three-year-old can focus for about three minutes before needing a change. They do not understand abstract rules. They learn through imitation and repetition. They take things literally.

What works: Short, clear instructions with demonstrations. One instruction at a time. Immediate praise. Visual cues (coloured spots, cones, marked areas). Transitions through games, not commands. Expect noise, movement, and the occasional child who wanders off to examine something interesting on the floor.

What does not work: Asking them to wait. Long explanations. Expecting them to remember a sequence of instructions. Expecting them to share willingly or take turns without support.

6 to 8 Year Olds

Children in this age group are starting to understand rules and fairness. They want to please adults. They are developing the ability to wait, though they find it hard. They are starting to compare themselves with peers, which can cause frustration when they struggle.

What works: Clear, consistent rules explained with reasons. Structured activities with variety. Specific praise ("You kept your arms straight that whole time" rather than "Good job"). Small group challenges. Reward systems that are immediate, not cumulative over weeks.

What does not work: Sarcasm. Public criticism. Expecting them to self-regulate for long periods. Ignoring friendship conflicts, which feel enormous to them.

9 to 12 Year Olds

Pre-teens can follow complex instructions, understand consequences, and exercise self-control most of the time. However, they are increasingly influenced by peer opinion and can be self-conscious about making mistakes. Some will test boundaries deliberately, particularly if they feel their autonomy is being restricted.

What works: Giving them genuine responsibility (choosing warm-up activities, demonstrating to younger groups, helping set up). Asking for their input on class rules. Private, respectful conversations when behaviour needs correcting. Peer-led activities. Challenges that are genuinely difficult.

What does not work: Treating them like small children. Embarrassing them in front of peers. Power struggles in front of the group. Taking away autonomy as punishment.

Teenagers

Teens who attend activity classes are usually there because they want to be, which is an advantage. The challenge is maintaining their engagement and respecting their growing need for independence while still providing structure and safety.

What works: Collaborative goal-setting. Leadership roles (junior coaching, mentoring younger participants). Treating them as partners in their own development. Honest, adult conversations about behaviour when needed. Letting them have input on session content.

What does not work: Condescension. Arbitrary rules without explanation. Ignoring their opinions. Public telling-off in front of peers, which can permanently damage your relationship.

Positive Reinforcement That Actually Works

Positive reinforcement does not mean praising everything. It means strategically noticing and naming the behaviour you want to see more of. It is the single most effective tool you have.

Be Specific

Vague praise ("Well done", "Good job", "Nice work") becomes background noise within weeks. Children stop hearing it. Specific praise works because it tells the child exactly what they did right and makes them want to repeat it.

Instead of "Good job" say "You kept your eyes on the ball that entire drill"
Instead of "Well done" say "I noticed you waited for your turn without being asked"
Instead of "Nice work" say "Your arms were completely straight on that cartwheel"

Praise the Behaviour, Not the Child

"You are such a good swimmer" puts pressure on the child's identity. "You put your face in the water even though it was scary, and that took real courage" praises the specific action and effort. This is the difference between fixed and growth mindset reinforcement, and it matters enormously for long-term development.

The 5:1 Ratio

Research consistently shows that the most effective learning environments maintain a ratio of roughly five positive interactions for every correction. That does not mean ignoring problems. It means deliberately looking for things to praise so that when you do need to correct, the child does not feel targeted.

Use Proximity Praise

When one child is off task and another nearby is on task, praise the on-task child specifically and visibly. The off-task child will usually self-correct without being singled out. This works remarkably well with children under eight.

Dealing with Disruptive Behaviour Without Punishing

Punishment stops behaviour in the short term but damages the relationship that makes long-term behaviour management possible. Here is what to do instead.

Redirect Before You Correct

Most disruptive behaviour is a child telling you something: they are bored, confused, anxious, or seeking attention. Before you address the behaviour, address the cause. A child who is disrupting because the activity is too easy needs a harder challenge, not a telling-off.

Use the When-Then Approach

"When you have finished three more laps, then you can choose the next game." This gives the child something to work towards and frames compliance as a pathway to something they want, not as obedience for its own sake.

Offer Limited Choices

"You can practise with this group or that group. Which would you prefer?" This gives the child a sense of control while keeping them within your planned activity. It works particularly well with children who resist direct instructions.

The Quiet Word

Never correct behaviour by shouting across the room. Walk over, crouch to the child's level, and speak quietly. This avoids embarrassment, removes the audience that some children are performing for, and shows respect. A quiet "I need you to stop pushing. Can you tell me what is going on?" achieves more than any raised voice.

Natural Consequences

Where safe to do so, let natural consequences teach the lesson. A child who refuses to listen to the warm-up instructions will not know what to do in the activity. Rather than punishing them, calmly help them catch up and note that listening first would have made things easier.

When to Involve Parents

Most behaviour issues should be handled within the session. Involving parents should happen when:

A pattern of behaviour persists over three or more sessions despite your strategies
A child's behaviour puts other children at physical risk
You suspect the behaviour is a symptom of something happening outside your setting (anxiety, bullying at school, family difficulties)
The child seems unhappy or distressed in your sessions

When you do speak to parents, frame it as a concern, not a complaint. "I've noticed that Jamie has been finding it hard to focus in the last few sessions. Has anything changed at home or school that might help me understand how to support him?" is far more productive than "Jamie is being disruptive and I need you to speak to him."

Document every conversation. AMES allows you to record participant notes that are visible to authorised staff, creating a clear record of concerns raised and actions taken.

Creating a Behaviour Policy

A written behaviour policy protects you, your staff, your participants, and their parents. It does not need to be long, but it does need to be clear.

What to Include

Your approach to behaviour (positive, supportive, focused on engagement)
What you expect from participants (respect for each other, equipment, and instructors; listening when instructions are given; trying their best)
What participants can expect from you (a safe environment, fair treatment, being listened to)
How you handle low-level disruption (redirection, choices, quiet conversations)
How you handle serious or persistent issues (parent conversation, temporary removal from activity, and as a last resort, exclusion)
Your exclusion procedure (always a last resort, always documented, always with parent communication)

Share your behaviour policy with parents at enrolment. Include it in your welcome pack or publish it on your website. When parents know your approach in advance, difficult conversations later become much easier because you can refer back to an agreed framework.

Actionable Takeaways

Audit your expectations: Are you expecting developmental impossibilities from your youngest groups? Adjust your session plans to match what each age group can realistically do.
Count your praise: In your next session, consciously aim for five specific praises for every correction. Notice how the atmosphere changes.
Write your policy: If you do not have a behaviour policy, draft one this week. Keep it to a single page. Share it with your team and your parents.
Train your team: Discuss behaviour strategies in your next staff meeting. Role-play the quiet word technique. Make sure everyone is consistent in their approach.